Emperor Raynaud II of Francia, 1213-1218 AD

The Bavarian Job.

January 31, 2022

Let’s check the lineage lineup! Really wish there was a more interesting way to present this. Just a row of bearded dudes, but I do take after the old man, and the other old man.

Now let us enjoy a fulsome view of our mighty empire!

Mostly by virtue of aggressive vassal wars, I’ve made inroads into German empire territory, but that’s a lot of land to grab before I could form it. I’d need 116 counties to create Germania, while I only need 75 to create the empire of Britania. Hence our family exploits across the channel.

Factions begin forming up on the usual Liberty and Independence lines post-coronation. A peasant rebellion breaks out and is immediately crushed. My second son Othon comes of age, so I betroth him to the two-year-old Princess Patrizia Karling-Acqui of Italy. That should work as an anti-rebel alliance, though there’s some weird inheritance stuff going on with that kingdom which concerns me.

Also discover that I have a rando rival much like my dad did, this time a seemingly irrelevant Serbian woman. I discover this because I apparently already have a plot in motion to murder her, which is in the process of falling apart. I hastily cancel the murder scheme, as the last thing I need right now is another hit in the arena of public reputation.

I sit tight for a few months watching the factions, and surprisingly, they start to diminish in power and enthusiasm. I figured at least one of the king vassals would fight me, but so far it’s just a few malcontent dukes. And they seem to be warming up to my rule, so I begin to examine my war options. I send my archbishop to re-fabricate the claim my dad never fulfilled against the outstanding half of Cornwall. While that’s cooking, there’s still a few de jure pieces of Francia I need to collect Pokemon style.

I begin with a miscellaneous county held by the diminutive kingdom of Frisia, currently ruled by a friendless five-year-old boy. Punching down is what it’s all about in this game. The war is over in a matter of months, putting another notch in the de jure bedpost.

I’ve made friends with my son and heir, also Raynaud, who should be a good ruler because he’s a genius. However he’s also got the Gluttonous trait, which hasn’t caused him to formally get the Obese condition, but he still looks pretty stout at 18.

Maybe it’s just the tunic? Who cares, he’s a healthy and robust lad.

One of my largest outstanding chunks of de jure land is held by King Dietmar II Emenon of Bavaria—frequently my ancestors’ allies, but there’s no alliance in place now. Dietmar is already the target of three other wars, is bankrupt, and is also a lunatic. So really, this is an act of mercy in its way. I press the biggest of my de jure claims, for three counties in the duchy of Swabia.

I’m halfway through a leisurely Swabian occupation when a quirk of inheritance brings the Dutch-ish county of Tecklenburg into my realm, and brings with it an in-progress claimant war from some random count. Not long after that I get hit with another tiny count declaring war on me—a certain Count Hermann Chatenois-Kleve, who is no account by himself but somehow arranged alliances with Lesser Poland and West Franconia. When you put them all together, they’re in shouting distance of my own troop totals. I decide to call my allies in Italy into that one, for security’s sake.

Back in Bavaria, the lunatic Dietmar II abdicates in favor of his three-year-old son and heir Wilhlem. Not sure that’s going to help right the ship of state.

Remember how I thought I was safe from faction rebellion? Right on schedule in the middle of these three wars, my vassal King Ancel Karling-Montereau of West Francia joins the almost-disbanded Liberty faction, suddenly pumping up its threat. I grudgingly bribe him with gold and begin a Sway scheme, trying to make him see the error of his ways. Fortunately he does so, and the faction unrest dies down again, for now.

Having occupied a half-dozen counties in Bavaria, I leave that front behind to go deal with the pair of conflicts in the north. Tecklenburg is a nuisance, but the Brabant problem requires more finesse due to the large enemy-allied armies that have materialized in my lands.

I lay siege to Brabant itself while the enemies mass nearby. I’ll probably have to run off, but now I can observe their movements while the rest of my troops and my Italian pals make their way over.

The betrothed bride of my son and heir Raynaud, the genius Guillaumette de Montlaur, finally comes of age. I hustle those two down the aisle so they can start popping out genius babies post-haste.

Out of nowhere, my wife Empress Euphrasia gets pregnant for the first time in a decade. Pretty surprising at age 44. Makes me a leeeeetle suspicious in fact. Developing!

I finally manage to pound down the Tecknlenburg upstart and turn my attention to the Brabantian invaders. I catch them mucking about the Brabantian capital, and with the help of the Italian Stallions, smash their armies but good over two battles, down to about half their force. I siege Brabant itself and the one county they occupy while they run off. Euphrasia gives birth to our first daughter, Judith.

I’m prepared to occupy Brabant and then go chase those armies to the west, but we capture one of Count Hermann’s sons, which boosts the warscore high enough to win. Piss off, small fry.

Now I can finally go back south and clinch that stupid Bavarian war that started before all these other distractions. We all march down there to the capital, sack it, and that’s the end of that. Swabia is now snugly part of the empire, just where it should be, and we can at least have peace in our time with Bavaria (for now).